


The Line

by hecklesyeah



Series: I Walk The Line [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-27 20:38:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6299566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hecklesyeah/pseuds/hecklesyeah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In her line of work, Maria Hill has gotten used to situations that can make the world come undone. She never thought one person could have the same effect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i find it very, very easy to be true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the CATWS part of the timeline. I loved this movie so much! I wanted to write Bucky in but I wasn't quite sure if I could give his character justice so I settled with mentions of him.
> 
> I hope you enjoy my take on the events of the movie plus some post-movie snippets. And I hope you guys continue to read it and give comments because I love reading about your thoughts on each chapter. I wasn't supposed to post it yet but I figured I might drown in work this coming week so might as well.
> 
> Btw, if any of you feel like talking about it (or anything, really) via tumblr, my account is under the same name. Take care xox

_The nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day._

* * *

He’s watching Natasha from the window when he senses movement beside him. He sees Maria and notes her glassy, red-rimmed eyes and her clenched jaw that moves ever so slightly when she exhales through her mouth. He realizes that although her face appears dry, she’s on the verge of crying and trying so hard not to. He stares at her for a while, looking as though he wants to reach out and say something, anything. But when he opens his mouth, she cuts him off.

“I need to take him.” Her voice sounds soft but steady, her gaze lowered.

He blinks. “Of course.” He looks back at Natasha and starts to leave but he pauses and turns to back to her. His hand moves to reach out to her, “Hill, I—”

“Don’t.” His hand freezes near her forearm. Her head is turned slightly in his direction but her gaze remains lowered. He nods before making his way to Natasha. Only then does she raise her head and blink away any trace of emotion from her expression.

\- - -

“That’s Captain America you’re after. He tends to inspire a certain amount of loyalty.”

She wonders what made her say that and how long she’s believed it. Still, she keeps the subdued smug look on her face. At least, up until Sitwell informs her of the “director’s orders”. How dare he accuse her of disloyalty to SHIELD when she has devoted so much of herself, her life to it?

She’s pissed even as it dawns on her that this is an opportunity. They’re sending her back to New York so they won’t be expecting her around. Perfect.

They look to Fury for all his antagonistic glory that they forget that she’s a player in this game too. As much as she detests the sexist bastards in her line of work, she knows she can always count on them to overlook her. To them, she’s invisible, no matter her status and how hard she’s worked to get there. She’s used that time and again to her advantage; this time will be no different. She’ll be right under their noses and they won’t even see her coming.

_Boo._

\- - -

“Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky.”

“We need to get a doctor here. If we don’t put pressure on that wound, she’s gonna bleed out here in the truck.” Sam recoils when one of the Hydra agents threatens him with a taser. And before he knows it, the other agent gets tased and kicked in the head.

When the helmet comes off, they hear a slight groan before they see Maria Hill flip her hair off her face. “That thing was squeezing my brain.” Steve looks at her, really looks at her and shares the surprise on Natasha and Sam’s faces. “Who’s this guy?” She looks at Sam with a slight frown before she meets Steve’s gaze.

The question is directed at him but he’s too stunned to answer. Stunned not only because he didn’t expect anyone to have enough courage and efficiency to infiltrate Hydra this soon just to save them, but also because in that moment, when he felt so down, depressed, and defeated, he realizes that there is no other person he’d want to see, and no other person he’d trust to save his, Nat’s, and Sam’s lives. He’s unsure how to deal with that because there really is no one more than— _Maria._

Their transfer to another non-descript van goes smoothly and nobody, except maybe Sam, is surprised because Maria Hill’s mission plans always flow smoothly. Steve watches her exit the van before he follows and helps Nat out. Maria leads the way into the abandoned facility and braces herself for their reaction to what’s, rather, _who’s_ waiting inside.

Maria calls out, “GSW, she’s lost at least a pint.”

“Maybe two,” adds the new guy. Proper introductions can wait.

“Let me take her,” the doctor answers as he jogs towards them.  
  
“She’ll want to see him first.” Her voice softer than it was just moments earlier. She feels Natasha’s eyes on her but refuses to meet her questioning gaze even as she opens the curtains to reveal none other than Nick Fury.

“About damn time.” She keeps her eyes on Fury throughout the entire discussion of his injuries and of what he’d been through. She lowers her gaze when Natasha speaks.

“They cut you open; your heart stopped.” She knows she shouldn’t feel bad about having lied, at least not this time, because it’s all part of the plan but she couldn’t help it even as Fury explains how they pulled it off.

Steve also looks on edge when he asks, “Why all the secrecy? Why not just tell us?”

“Any attempt on the director’s life had to look successful,” Maria says as if that whole statement explains everything. And it does because—

“They can’t kill you if you’re already dead.” Point. She’s about to leave but Fury adds, “Besides, I wasn’t sure who to trust.” He could have spoken for the both of them but at the same time, he couldn’t have.

She looks right at Natasha who’s already looking at her. She can’t claim to know every single one of Natasha’s expressions but she knows enough and the look in the assassin’s eyes just screams betrayal. It makes her want to apologize; she doesn’t. She did this not because she doubted Natasha’s — or Steve’s — allegiance but because it was necessary. She’s never before apologized for doing her job, not even when she came across as the devil incarnate, and she’s not about to start now. She knows she’s not the villain here and that’s the only thing that matters.

\- - -

_Maria follows Natasha into the break room and hides her smile as she watches all the occupants leave hurriedly. She enters after a few moments and sees the assassin seated alone on the couch._

_“Romanoff,” she greets and receives a hum in response. She takes two mugs out of the cupboard and prepares some tea. As she’s finishing up, she turns to the only other occupant and says, “That was...quite a fight.”_

_Despite Natasha's anger, one corner of her lips curls up. “You’re better than that, Hill.”_

_“It’s a fucking struggle,” Maria’s reply is droll and they share a smile. She has yet to figure out how most people do it so naturally when she only manages to pull it off while undercover._

_“Of course. But everyone knows small talk isn’t your strong suit so you’re excused.” Natasha looks away before asking, “What do you want?”_

_Maria takes both mugs to where Natasha is seated. She hands her one before she seats herself on one of the tables. “No agent is expendable.”_

_“I am.”_

_“_ No _.” Her response comes quickly, forcefully. “You are more than your past, Romanoff.” She hears the other woman scoff and she almost yields because she is hardly an expert in these things. Plus, she hates receiving pep talks, much less giving one, but she continues anyway, “The fact that you’re trying to wipe out the red in your ledger attests to that.”_

_She still remembers the day Hawkeye brought the Black Widow into SHIELD. How the latter seemed indifferent throughout the whole process, her expression only slipping into subdued shock and confusion when Maria vouched for her after a mere stare-down with Barton which ended with the man simply nodding._

_“Then why is he so mad at me for wanting to give that shitfest of a mission a successful end?”_

_“Successful_ — _You asked him to shoot the target_ through you _, Romanoff. And you wonder why he’s angry?_ ” _When Natasha simply looks at her, she sighs._ _“The way you feel about keeping Barton safe? That goes both ways; you’re partners._ That’s _why he’s so angry.” She sees Natasha’s eyes widen almost imperceptibly before she looks down at her lap. Maria remembers reading about the damage the Red Room has caused to the assassin’s emotional wellbeing. She realizes she’s one to talk. She stands then and in an awkward attempt at levity, says, “Don’t die on his watch; he’ll never stop whining. Or sulking.”_

_“Or both.” Natasha watches Maria leave but at the last minute, “Hill?” When Maria looks back at her, she says, “Thank you.”_

_Maria has always stayed on edge around the assassin since she’s been brought in. Perhaps it’s time that changed. “Thank me by not dying,_ Natasha _.”_

\- - -

“Maybe, just maybe, we can salvage what’s left—”

“We’re not salvaging anything. We’re not just taking down the carriers; we’re taking down SHIELD.”

“SHIELD had nothing to do with this!”

“You gave me this mission; this is how it ends. SHIELD’s been compromised, you said so yourself. Hydra grew right under your nose and nobody noticed.” _Stab_.

Actually, she’s had her suspicions for a few months now after she came across a few anomalies. She’s brought her suspicions to Fury’s attention but since neither of them could gather actual proof without tipping someone off and calling the attention of whomever is behind this mess, they couldn’t afford to make hasty, overt, and unplanned decisions. Even so, an infiltration this deep, efficient, and high up in the ranking couldn’t have been less than a few years in the making; they’re still too late.

“Why do you think we’re meeting in this cave? I noticed.”

“How many paid the price before you did?” _Stab._

“Look, I didn’t know about Barnes.”

“Even if you did, would you have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that too?” _Stab_. “SHIELD, Hydra… It all goes.”

She knows the questions and accusations were directed at Fury but she feels each stab nonetheless. This is SHIELD; she is equally responsible for it. And it is for this reason that she says, “He’s right.”

She’s gone against Fury a number of times before but she’s never seen him look at her with as much betrayal as he does now. And since she’s just been the recipient of a similar look from Natasha, she wonders, “ _God, is this my life now?_ ” She watches his silent call for support, first from Natasha who simply leans back in her chair and then to the other guy — his name is Sam Wilson, the Falcon, she’s learned.

“Don’t look at me. I do what he does, just slower.”

Fury then leans back in resignation. “Well… Looks like you’re giving the orders now, Captain.”

\- - -

A few hours later, she finds herself seated on the cramped floor space of one of the facility’s fire exits. She’s looking out towards the sunset, running the plan over and over in her head until only the moonlight shines upon her. She’s brought back to reality when she feels a small plate being placed on her lap. On the plate is a generous helping of wheat bread. Even without looking up, she knows who’s standing beside her and whose voice it is that greets her.

“You didn’t eat.” She only gives a small shake of her head to acknowledge him before looking back towards the expanse of land behind the facility. “Couldn't sleep either, huh?”

“Knowing what's about to happen tomorrow? Not really, no.” She pinches a piece of bread and rolls it in her fingers.

“You’re about to blow SHIELD up, set fire to what’s been your life for so long.”

She throws the piece of bread with a force almost enough to pitch a baseball. “SHIELD wasn’t my life.” If her tone is marked with a tinge of spite, so be it; they both know that was a lie anyway. He is irked a bit by her wasting of food but they’re about to lay waste to SHIELD so he lets it slide and just sits down beside her.

“Maybe. But at the very least, it’s become your home.”

She shrugs. “I’ll just have to find a new one.” She looks at him with a veil of resignation but her determination still shines through. Something shifts in Steve’s eyes, something akin to desire, but he knows that now is not the time for whatever this is so he looks away only to look back at her when she speaks, “What’s keeping _you_ up, Rogers? Metal arm?”

“Bucky,” his tone defensive, on edge.

She meets his intense gaze when she replies, “ _I know._ Once upon a time, he was pure and innocent ‘Bucky’. Maybe he still is. But right now, he’s not who you remember him to be; right now, he’s the Winter Soldier. Making it personal would only make it more difficult to do what’s necessary.”

“He’ll remember.” He swallows before he quietly adds, “He has to.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

It takes him a while to answer. “I won’t kill him.” _I can’t._

“I didn’t say anything about killing him. But he’ll stop you if you don’t stop him first.” The reminder that neither of them can let that happen goes unsaid.

After a rather long lull in their conversation where they’re both just staring into the darkness behind the facility, he decides to break the silence. “It’s these times that I… I wish I could be that kid in Brooklyn again. Or get drunk, even just for a little while.” They’re both aware that he can’t get drunk and though they’ve never really tried it, they figured drugs probably won’t have the desired effect either. “Get a blackout and forget about what seems like a never-ending war, you know?” He feels desperate when he looks at her. _Desperate for what?_

She looks back at him, really looks at him for longer than what’s deemed socially appropriate before making the decision. “I do.”

His eyes are closed but he swears he sees the stars. He doesn’t know what’s happening but he feels himself responding. It’s only when he hears the plate hit the floor beside them that it registers: They’re kissing.

Steve may have inadvertently lied to Natasha when she asked if their escalator kiss was his first since the 40s _“I’m 95, not dead.”_ But really, truthfully, he simply meant to say it definitely wasn’t going to be his last. His mind goes blank because — He is _kissing_ Maria. Well, Maria kissed him first and he kissed her back and now _they’re kissing_. He’s pulled her by her waist, close enough that she’s now on his lap with her knees on either side of his hips and her hands in his hair.

The bread goes stale but neither of them give it a second thought when they don’t even know how they made their way from the fire exit to the makeshift room connected to it.

\- - -

Clothes are discarded haphazardly across the room until they’re both free to explore every inch of skin on each other. He wants to say this is all muscle memory but it isn’t because he hasn’t done this as much as a man his age ought to. And yet, oddly enough, it all comes naturally to him.

He kisses her slowly but with an intensity akin to if he were devouring her. He walks her back towards the bed without ever breaking the kiss except for the need to breathe. He falls onto her but he keeps his weight balanced on his arms so as not to crush her. He kisses down her chin, her jaw, her neck and sucks first on a spot behind her ear and then another near the junction where her neck and shoulder meet; both make her shudder almost violently as she bites her bottom lip, her hands clutching the sheets. He runs his tongue down the valley between her breasts and only gets to press a kiss on each breast before he finds himself flat on his back staring up at her.

Her ponytail has fallen loose enough that a mere shake of her head has dislodged it completely. She has her hands on his chest and as she looks down at him — her face pale in the moonlight, her eyes darker than their usual steel blue, her lips swollen from their kissing, her hair tousled, her expression inviting and intense — he thinks she’s never been more beautiful.

He opens his mouth to say so but all that comes out is a moan when she rocks her hips on top of his. His eyes are shut tightly as he places his hands on her thighs on either side of him to wordlessly ask her to slow down a bit. She pauses but the moment he opens his eyes to look at her, she resumes her movement. One of his hands slides up to her hips and squeezes. His eyes close again as he finds himself enjoying the wet friction where he wants it the most.

He opens his eyes when he feels her lift herself up a bit. His gaze never leaving hers as she slowly envelops him in her warmth. He’s breathless. And when she starts moving, finding that perfect rhythm, everything is electric. She never once says a word but he whispers, moans her name.

“Maria.”

He hears sounds coming from deep within her but mostly, she tries to hold back by keeping her bottom lip between her teeth. There are moments when the pleasure becomes overwhelming enough that moans escape her. Steve is in awe of her, so much so that he focuses on getting her to let go of whatever’s holding her back. He touches her, slowly caressing every inch exposed to him and waiting for her to stop him and say no but she doesn’t.

“Maria.”

When his hands cup her breasts, her moan comes out louder; much louder when he eventually figures out what she likes. He notices her breathing increase both in rate and volume as their movements become frantic; that’s when she takes one of his hands and brings it down to where they’re joined as one. He circles his thumb to that one spot before he presses down and she nearly screams before she plants her lips onto his in an experience so intense, he nearly blacks out when she collapses on top of him.

“Oh God, _Maria_ ,” her name, a prayer from his lips.

When he wakes, it’s still dark outside and he’s alone, he begins to think it was all a dream that left him exhausted until he shifts to the middle of the bed, smells _her_ on the pillow, and realizes he’s naked underneath the sheets. He lifts his head a little to look around the room but she’s not there.

Come morning, they don’t talk except to reorient themselves with the plan. The journey to the Triskelion is filled with tense silence. The kind Sam thinks is just everyone’s nerves, his definitely. The kind Natasha thinks has to do with how she saw Steve emerge from the room she was sure Maria entered the night before, but she keeps quiet even as she curiously studies them. The kind Steve thinks is the weight of what they’re about to do coupled with what happened between him and Maria last night; Maria’s presence has always affected him, but not to this extent. The kind Maria ignores and refuses to address so she remains cool and calm, indifferent — almost her usual self, save for the fact that she doesn’t meet Steve’s gaze.

\- - -

“I know I’m asking a lot. But the price of freedom is high. It always has been.” He recalls the first conversation he had with Maria, about security and calculated risks. “And it’s a price I’m willing to pay. And if I’m the only one, then so be it.” From the corner of his eye, he sees Maria turn to look at him. “But I’m willing to bet I’m not.” Because he isn’t. She’s there. Nat’s there. Sam’s there. And Fury too.

Throughout Steve’s speech, Sam feels himself beam with pride that he couldn’t help asking, “Did you write that down first? Or was it off the top of your head?” The next thing Sam knows, he’s dodging bullets from the ‘bad guys’.

“Eight minutes, Cap.”

As reassuring as seeing her name on mission statements is, Steve finds he likes this better — listening to her voice in the comms relaxes him somehow, helps him focus. “Working on it.” Not long after, he goes through more of the bad guys and gets one of the targeting blades in. “Alpha lock.”

“Falcon? Where are you now?”

“Had to take a detour!” He replies as he glides around, trying to shake off a few missiles. In his haste and distraction, he seems to have forgotten to disconnect his comms. Maria assumes he’s successful because she hears his exclamations of “Woohoo!” and “Oh yeah!” almost as if he’s enjoying it. And he probably is, more than he should. She doesn’t even try to stop the eye-roll as she hears him get into one of the carriers. “I’m in.” Before he flies away to assist Steve, he shouts, “Bravo lock!”

In the camera feed, she sees incoming; two Hydra agents, two bullets. “Six minutes.”

The third helicarrier proves to be more of a challenge because both Steve and Sam are greeted by the Winter Soldier. She listens to the exchange after Falcon’s suit is down. She tells him about Rumlow and the Council before focusing now on Steve and the countdown. She continues to give him updates every now and then and feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand on attention when a few minutes pass without any response from him. “One minute.” She waits a bit and fails to mask the worry and urgency in her voice as she says, “Thirty seconds, Cap!”

Mere seconds before the time runs out, Steve’s coarse, almost breathless voice resounds, “Charlie lock.”

She releases the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. His voice was cracked when he spoke and his breathing was ragged but she responds with an, “Okay, Cap.” Because more importantly, she needs him to— “Get out of there.”

“Fire now,” she hears him say.

_No agent is expendable._

When he thinks nothing more intimate than shared breaths and dueling tongues and physically becoming one would transpire between them, she calls him by his given name, her voice cracked around the edges.

_Making it personal…_

“But, _Steve_ —”

_...would only make it more difficult..._

“Do it!” She pauses, her hand hovering over the controls. “Do it now!” She blinks.

_...to do what’s necessary._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaaaaaaaah. There's one particular scene that I've never EVER tried writing and I think you can guess which one. It was satisfying enough, I hope?
> 
> Btw, that first line is from "Do I Wanna Know?" by the Arctic Monkeys. It's a beautiful song, listen to it (and their discography, tbh).


	2. i find myself alone when each day is through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tragedies can either bring people together or tear them apart. But in the aftermath, things get swept under the rug. And a single step forward can be met with two steps back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I'm still drowning in paperwork but my brother dragged me to watch BvS: DoJ. Wonder Woman's absolute awesomeness despite her screen time reminded me of our girl and prompted me to post. Been a while. I hope you like the aftermath I've written of CATWS.

* * *

“Hill! Where’s Steve? Got a location on Rogers?”

She does but she doesn’t respond. Her mind is like a broken record going: This is a rescue mission. This is a rescue mission. However…

 _No agent is expendable._ How dare he—

A small part of her seems resigned to the idea that this is a recovery. And as the minutes pass by without finding him in the general area of his last known location, that small part of her grows bigger and bigger. THIS IS A RECOVERY— RESCUE MISSION. RESCUE. REC— RESCUE. RESCUE. RESCUE...

\- - -

Steve wakes up to a song playing softly in the background. Later, he’ll find out it’s “Trouble Man” by Marvin Gaye but right now, he opens his eyes and blinks away the sleep and blur from his vision. He looks around and figures out he’s in a hospital room with Sam sitting on a chair to his right and he couldn’t help it, “On your left.” His voice is coarse and he hurts in a lot of places when he chuckles but he’s alive.

Sam smiles and says, “I’ll get the doctor.”

Outside, after the doctor and nurses enter Steve’s room, Sam sees a woman making her way down the hall. “ _Businesswoman_ ,” he thinks as he studies her — sunglasses, make-up, neat updo, sharp and dark dress, heels, purse, coat folded over one arm. She’s a little closer when he notices her shoulders and back, both too straight to be comfortable. “ _Not a businesswoman._ ” When she stops in front of him and takes off her sunglasses, he blinks. Twice.

“Wilson,” she greets curtly. “Is he awake?”

He hums in question before he shakes himself, “Uh, yeah, just minutes ago.” He clears his throat. “It’s Maria, right?”

She nods. “Hill, yes. Can I see him?”

“Of course.” When she moves toward the door, Sam quickly adds, “Oh, but the doctor’s with him right now, the nurses are checking his vitals and everything. You know the drill.” She steps back, tense, he notes and at her nod, he gestures behind him and asks, “Would you like to get some coffee while we wait?”

“I’ve already had coffee,” she simply replies. When she notices him still looking at her, she says, “Don’t let me stop you. I’ll just wait out here.”

“Are you sure you don’t want anything?”

“Yes.” She meets his gaze, her expression stays almost blank but her features soften. “Thank you, really.” She knows it wasn’t his job to help them but he did anyway. And while she also knows it was Captain America he was following, she’s grateful nonetheless.

He nods and couldn’t stop the smile from forming. This woman gives off the aura of being important and in-charge in the way she carries herself and in the no-nonsense approach she has with everyone around her; he’s noticed since the first time he met her that no one questions her place at the table or her decisions. Her gratitude definitely outweighs the subtle rejection. “No problem. Oh, and—” He gestures towards the door to Steve’s room, “Take your time, Hill.” Sam’s grin only seems to grow bigger when she narrows her eyes at him as he walks away.

A flurry of activities takes up the minutes after Sam leaves — nurses checking his vitals, a doctor telling him he was lucky but he guesses not really given the serum, and an aide bringing him a fresh cup of ice chips and a tray of soft food. Then silence. When the door opens again, he expects to see Sam but surprise, surprise.

“Maria.” He can’t find it in himself to go back to calling her anything but Maria.

She stops by the foot of his bed and with a voice that’s softer than usual, she says, “I thought you died.”

“I’m too stubborn to die.” His attempt at levity falls flat.

“You said you’d try not to let that happen again.” Her voice is still soft as she refers to his earlier promise to try not to get himself killed but it gains volume and an edge with every passing word. “But you didn't just _let_ it happen, _you let me decide_.”

There was no question as to which she’d choose. She firmly believes that no agent is expendable. But if it’s a choice between one and the rest of the world — him or the greater good — there really isn’t much debate. Even if he isn’t just a simple agent but a national icon. Even if he isn’t just Captain America but Steve— _What?_

“I'm sorry I put you in that situation.” He pauses before, “But I know you wouldn’t have changed a thing.” It’s not a question; they both know it as a fact.

“Given the same circumstances? No, I wouldn’t have.” The confirmation hurts them both, Maria isn’t sure why; Steve, because knowing she’d kill him over and over again, probably without hesitation, stings even if it meant saving the rest of humanity. But she _did_ hesitate. “Did you know it at the time? That I would do it?”

Even though it hurt, his respect for her has increased ten-fold. “I never doubted that you'd make the right decision.”

_Making it personal would only make it more difficult to do what’s necessary._

Hill exhales loudly and shakes her head. To him, she looks intense, angry; and maybe she is. But then she’s looking down, surprises herself when she whispers, “It didn't _feel_ right.” Steve takes his time to study her and figure out what she meant by that but she’s already clearing her throat. “I should go,” she says quietly but doesn’t move.

“I'm sorry about...” He trails off. “ _About what? SHIELD? Asking you to fire? That night? No, not that._ ” He settles with, “Everything,” and closes his eyes. “ _But never that, Maria._ ”

She hums and with a sarcastic, bitter smile, she replies, “Me too.”

There’s a long pause, with both of them just staring at each other, and he finally takes her in. He thinks she looks soft but sharp in her dress. He finds himself not just staring blankly but paying close attention — how her face is all made up, how her hair is impeccably styled in an updo, how the dress clings to her curves with her coat draped over the raised edge of his bed. She’s stunning but he still prefers her with no make-up, her hair tousled, her face relaxed in pleasure, her breathing so rapid she’s almost panting—

He shakes himself. “I’m staring. Sorry, I just— You look—” His cheeks are flushed, uncertain how to compliment her on her appearance without making it weird and inappropriate. “You’re in a dress.” He finally says and mentally grimaces at how pathetic his attempt was.

Her eyebrows raise in amusement. “I had a job interview.” For a moment, she thinks his guilt is eating him up again but his response clues her in otherwise.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you out of your uniform.”

She knows he was just making a random, innocent observation and she doesn’t know why but the words are out of her mouth before she realizes it. “Oh, you’ve seen me out of my uniform.” Maybe it’s the way his eyes darken as he takes her in or their shared _experience_ that makes her confident and comfortable enough to blurt that out. What’s worse than the teasing tone she’d delivered the line with, she thinks, is that she’s sporting a small smirk that shouldn’t have been there in the first place. When she sees the flush spread down his neck and his eyes darken further and grow more intense, she clears her throat again, squares her shoulders, and stands up straighter. “I should go,” she says, more firmly this time, then pulls her coat over her arm.

“About that night—”

“Don't worry about it.” She cuts him off too quickly. “We were two consenting adults. We can,” she pauses to swallow because her mouth feels so dry all of a sudden, “Chalk it up to a moment of weakness.” She smiles but he doesn’t smile back. He doesn’t like this smile; in fact, he kind of hates it because it’s a mask and it just seems so...mechanical. Her gaze shifts from his face to somewhere by his feet. “It won’t happen again.” _It can’t._

“Maria—”

She looks back at him with eyes he couldn’t read. “ _Steve_.” The ‘please’ goes unsaid but is implicit in her tone.

He looks at her, almost as if he were memorizing the sight of her, before he nods, resigned in the knowledge that neither of them can handle _that talk_ , especially not now. “Take care of yourself, Maria.”

“Says the idiot on a hospital bed.” They share a small smile before she finally leaves and he’s left looking at the door even long after she’s gone.

A few minutes later, Sam comes back with today’s paper in hand. “So... Hill, huh?”

Steve smiles and sits up with much effort. “You just missed her.”

“Not as much as you did, I bet,” Sam mutters.

“What was that?”  
  
Sam makes a show of clearing his throat. “Nothing. I saw her outside when the doctor was in here. I almost didn’t recognize her. Girl cleans up nice, _really_ nice.”

“Sam,” Steve’s voice sounds a bit tired but the reprimand is present.

“She seems like a great catch.” He hears Steve’s noncommittal hum. “A little difficult to talk to but—”

“She just doesn’t like small talk.”

Sam nods, “That’s good, right? And refreshing. It also makes her _a lot_ more interesting.” Throughout the entire conversation, Sam either glances at Steve or outright studies every reaction that comes from him about Maria Hill. He’s baiting Steve and if he’s lucky, his recovering state would make him a little less sharp and guarded. “You sweet on her, Steve?”

Steve refuses to make eye contact, especially as he feels the back of his neck heat up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Mhmm.” Sam raises an eyebrow and holds back a smile. “I wonder if she has someone—”

“Sam,” this time, his voice is a little more firm.

Sam raises both his hands up in defense. “Alright, alright. Besides, I ain’t getting rejected twice.”

Steve turns to him quickly and grimaces at the pain. He swallows it down in favor of asking, “Twice?”

“Yeah.” He doesn’t elaborate and pretends to read the newspaper. He glances at Steve and sees the man lost in thought. “She’s glad you were awake when she got here.” This caught Steve’s attention.

“She said that?”

“No. But when she was here, all she wanted was to see you.” Sam gives him a pointed look before he grins. Steve looks away and smiles. And if his cheeks are a little pink, Sam doesn’t say a word. Except, “Hey, what’s this?”

“What?”

Sam is already up and reaching for something by the foot of his bed. A brown paper bag. “Has an unsigned note attached to it, says, ‘Actual food. You’ve more than earned it, soldier.’ Is this from Hill?”

“Let me see that.” He raises his hand to see the note more clearly and yes, it was written in Maria’s familiar handwriting. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

“Well, then let me take these out for you to eat. I may not have seen her angry before but something tells me it’s in my best interest to avoid it by making her soldier happy.”

Steve is fighting back a smile. “Sam—”

“She brought you chicken soup and it smells delish. Oh, and cheesecake! You are one lucky soldier.”

“Really, Sam?” He’s smiling now even as he shakes his head.

“Hey, a good soldier follows orders. Woman said eat, so eat up, _soldier_.”

Steve hangs his head and asks, “You’re never going to let me live this down, are you?” Sam doesn’t reply but the amused smirk on his face was answer enough. He sighs, “Oh, boy.”

\- - -

Soon after, Steve finds out that Maria’s at Stark Industries. He wonders how she’s adjusting to life outside of SHIELD but he doesn’t dwell on this much because he and Sam eventually go off looking for Bucky. He’s torn between wanting to go home — rather, go back to New York — and staying to look for Bucky despite following lead after lead to dead end after dead end.

What keeps him going is the thought that if Maria were in his place, she wouldn’t bail on a mission just because she’s stuck between a rock and a hard place; she’d push back no matter what. And he really wants to find his friend, his one last tether to his old life. His hands curl into fists until he’s crumpled his coffee cup on one hand. Sam brings him back to reality before he crushes the phone he’s holding on the other.

“Look, man, I don’t know what’s going on with you and I respect that you’re not willing to talk about it. But when we’re not out looking for your buddy, you keep staring at your phone like a mad person. And now you’re clutching it like your life depends on it.” When it looks as though Steve is about to deny or protest, Sam adds, “Just call her.” Before Steve could even ask ‘who’, Sam just gives him look. “You’re not fooling nobody, _soldier._ ”

Nobody but himself, apparently.

He ends up calling her. He forgets about time zones so when she answers, “Hill,” with a tired and sleep-addled yet somehow alert voice, he apologizes. “It‘s alright. What is it? You okay?”

“Yeah, you?”

“Steve,” she pushes because nobody calls at an ungodly hour unless it’s important.

“Answer me honestly. Do you think I’ll find him?”

She blinks. She doesn’t have to ask because she’s had her answer since that day in the van. “No.”

“So any effort, no matter how good, would be pointless?”

She hums. “I’m not saying you’re not a good enough seeker, Steve; I’m saying he’s a better hider. And since he’s not here right now, maybe he doesn’t want to be found.” Maria pushes off the duvet and makes her way to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. “He’s probably lost in his own mind, in his memories—”

“He’s not crazy.”

“I know that, and so do you. But does _he_?” She hears his breath coming out slow. “He may remember you, he may not. Whatever state of mind he’s in, he’s going to need time.” She leans against her counter, wondering what he’s doing on the other end of the line. “And when he’s ready…”

His breath huffs and makes static noises on the line. “I’ll find him.”

“Or he’ll find you.”

\- - -

A few minutes after the call ends, she gets her tablet and types in, “How’s Qui-Gon Jinn?” before sending it to an encrypted location. Not long after, she receives an incoming video call from said location.

“I’m alive, Ani, stop worrying.” Comes a familiar voice. And…chin?

She blinks. “Phil, you’re too close.”

“Sorry, I’m transferring it to the—” The screen zooms out into Phil’s office. “There you go.” Phil sits back in his chair and smiles. “Obi-Wan’s busy with tai chi so you have—” He stops when his door opens to reveal May still in her workout clothes. “Both of us, apparently,” he finishes then addresses May. “Ani’s looking for you.”

May moves to stand beside Phil and simply looks her over, as if checking for injuries or anything amiss. “How goes privatizing global security?”

“Can’t complain. What about your end?”

“We’re managing,” Phil responds. “It’s been a slow day so far.”

“He’s still in the wind.” She really likes how perceptive May is. “But it’s an odd hour to be asking about him unless something happened.” Except sometimes she doesn’t.

“I’m drinking coffee and talking to you in my pajamas so no one’s dead or dying at least.”

“Rogers then?” Yep, sometimes she hates it.

“Right. I heard you’ve struck up a friendship with the Captain even before DC. Unlikely, if I do say so myself.” Phil doesn’t quite smile as he leans forward and rests his forearms on the table. “What did he do?”

“First of all, no, I didn’t. And to answer your question, thankfully, nothing drastic.” When neither of them respond, she takes that as a cue to explain, “He’s fully recovered physically but mentally, emotionally… He’s shaken; he’s not taking the news well, obviously.” She takes a deep breath and shakes her head once. “It’s not like anyone would.”

“That can’t be easy,” Phil add grimly. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“Definitely,” Maria agrees. “But he’ll get there; he has something to look forward to now.” She sets her cup on the table and runs a hand through her hair.

“He didn’t already?” Phil asks with an eyebrow raised as May looks away with a hint of a smile. It seems no matter how low SHIELD lies — or, well, how high the Bus flies — the gossip mongrels stay sharp.

Maria’s eyes narrow at the screen but she doesn’t take the bait. “He’s been visiting Peggy. She’s doing as well as can be expected, given her condition. I saw her last week, actually. She hasn’t heard the news yet.” She looks down and purses his lips. “And I didn’t tell her.”

“You shouldn’t have to deliver the news yourself, Maria. And even if you had or she’d heard while she was coherent, she wouldn’t hold SHIELD’s downfall against you, Fury, or the rest of us.”

The bitter tone in Maria’s response is not lost on both agents when she replies, “Victoria Hand would beg to differ.”

“Agent Hand’s death was nobody’s fault but Ward’s,” Phil tries for comfort but it feels a lot like justification.

“Like I said, I vetted him.”

“Self-deprecating is not a good look on you, Maria.” Phil feels like he’s scolding a little sister. And perhaps, in a way, he is. “We worked closely with him but didn’t even suspect, so whose shoulders should the blame really fall on?”

Still, she shakes her head. “I shouldn’t have signed off on him in the first place. I told you my suspicions; I knew there was something off about him. I let it slide because I—”

“You what?” Phil prompts when she stays quiet for a while.

“Nothing, just forget it.”

Then, May, who’s been silent throughout the exchange, finally speaks up. “You saw yourself in him.”

“Damn it, May,” she mutters while massaging the bridge of her nose.

“You do have a lot in common: your background, your skill set, the way your minds work, the way you both stood out like a sore thumb — him in the academy, you in the Marines — because you were better than the rest even without trying. Those make you outstanding agents. But you differ in what matters most.”

“What, I don’t have a penis?” Droll, deadpan, and somewhat dirty.

“I was going to say you have a moral compass that at times may point a little left of center but never points south whereas he has none.” May looks at her pointedly before shrugging. “But that works too.”

“I despise that,” Coulson interjects. “But May’s right. Not about the penis thing— Can we all just agree not to insert penises in our conversations?”

“I don’t know, Phil. Of the three of us, you’re the only one who has the equipment.” Maria hides her smile behind the coffee cup she’s picked back up again.

“Walked right into that one.” He shakes his head at that before continuing. “Anyway, the thing with people who have childhoods similar to yours is some grow into it, like Ward did, while others grow out of it. You did, and you’re probably as good as they get.”

“Then why am I Anakin in the scenario?” She asks, gesturing to the three of them.

“I think the better question here is, why are you not Darth Vader?”

“Point.” Maria then clears her throat. Boy, have they gone off course. “How’s Theta Protocol?”

“It’s going great, actually. It’s almost ready. I’ll send you the schematics by the end of the week.” Phil’s pride shines through even if his smile is a little subdued. “But that’s not why you called.”

Maria nods. “Barnes. He’s Rogers’ last known tether to his past, his best friend. It’s not in his character to let something this important to him go so I think he’s going after Barnes. Maybe he’s already started.”

“And you want to help him.” It isn’t even a question at this point.

“I don’t think he’ll ask but if he does,” she shrugs.

May nods and assures her, “We’ll let you know if we hear anything; we need to get to him before Hydra does anyway.”

She doesn’t quite smile but she feels herself begin to relax. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Phil’s eyes crinkle as he smiles. “And Maria, you’re not a little poop with knives sticking out of it.” He’s smirking now and Maria couldn’t help the eye-roll as she remembers Phil’s not so subtle jab at her drawing skills, or lack thereof. “You’re a porcupine. A cute baby porc—”

“Shut up, Phil.”

“You know who’s probably resistant to porcupine quills?” At this, May rolls her eyes and pushes off from the cabinet she was leaning on. However, Maria doesn’t miss the slight, dare she say amused, twitch of her lips before the door closes. It makes her wonder how long these two — Phil more than May, definitely — have been gossiping about her potential love life.

_Potential love life?_

She sighs, “ _Goodbye_ , Phil.”

“Captain Ameri—” Tap.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Violent reactions? Sure hope not, but do leave a comment if you please :)


	3. yes, i'll admit that i'm a fool for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The people and things we think we know may surprise us. Whether that surprise is a good or a bad one is entirely up to us. Or, you know, the universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. I've had a total of about 5 hours of sleep in the past three days (something I haven't experience since I graduated nearly two years ago), partly because of work but mostly because my mother got sick. On top of that, the Faculty Center in my old University burned down just a few hours ago. I kinda feel like shit right now but your comments/reviews always make me feel better so here you go. Hope you guys are doing a lot better than I am.
> 
> And if you're still reading up to this point, the third part of the series will be up next week. 

* * *

Scar tissue.

That's practically what lies in the space below her stomach. After getting shot, stabbed, impaled, electrocuted, and exploded at one too many times both from being a Marine and a SHIELD agent, the doctors say she's lucky to still be fully-functional. Lucky, completely in tune with her body, a health fanatic (although not really)... Whatever they want to call it.

She knows her body well and she keeps healthy (mostly anyway). And lucky, well, she's still alive so maybe whatever's looking out for her is doing a decent job at it. Except now.

She's late and she never is. Never the kind where she's a few minutes or hours late for a meeting. And certainly never the kind where she's over a month late in her period.

She's not on the pill, never had much use for it. And she remembers not having used protection that night with Steve. Condoms don't grow on abandoned facilities and apparently, normal people don't think of bringing a condom to a war zone. But then again, normal people don't have random one night stands amidst war either. Or maybe they do but Maria does not and she suspects, neither does (or did) Steve.

She tries to calm herself down because she's pretty sure the damage her body's been through made it impossible to conceive; the doctors said so before and she's made her peace with that. She gets her period along with a raging migraine one morning as she's leaving for work. She's relieved, all things considered, but the past week's got her stressed and on edge.

When she enters her office at Stark Industries, her senses are assaulted by a sweet aroma. However, before her brain registers what it is, she finds Steve waiting there. She almost doubles back and pretends she didn't see him. Almost. They stare at each other; her taking him in to catalog any injuries left and is relieved to find none, at least none that were visible, and him taking her in more to see how she's adjusted because he didn't get to ask back in the hospital or in the phone call.

"I'm sorry."

She realizes she's still by her doorway so she walks to her chair and sets her purse on her desk. "You've already said that," she replies, her words a bit clipped.

"I know but now that I've had time to think about it and to see how it's affected your life, I feel responsible for—"

"Jesus Christ, Steve!" She sees him flinch but she goes on, "Not every bad thing happening in this world is your fault." Because it isn't.

"But I told you to fire. I knew you already had too much weighing you down back then but I added to that by asking you to— And then making you believe—"

"You didn't _make_ me do anything I didn't already know I had to do." Her migraine is making itself more apparent and the situation at hand is not helping.

"You knew you had to shoot me down from the sky?" His attempt to lighten the mood falls flat again.

"With or without you in the equation, I would've found a way to burn SHIELD down to the ground if it meant HYDRA goes down with it. So, no. _You_ didn't _make me_ plan SHIELD's demise. _You_ didn't _make me_ fire on those helicarriers. _You_ didn't _make me_ believe you were dead." Although her tirade is tainted with mild exasperation, she remains calm even despite the throbbing in her head. "Don't beat yourself up over the choices _I_ made; it discredits me."

With that, Steve steps back as his shoulders sag. "That's not what I—"

"I know that wasn't your intention, Steve. I _know_."

He looks at her a while, trying to determine if she's sincere or if she's simply brushing him off. "I'm sorry I've upset you, Maria," he says when he's decided it's the former.

She sighs and shakes her head slightly, all fight drained from her body. "You haven't. But just— Just stop, okay?"

"Okay, I just…" He trails off before looking at her long and hard, as if he's waiting for something. "I'll just leave—"

The door to her office opens suddenly and in walks Tony who heard Steve's last apology and jokingly says, "Cap, you've upset my Security Director; you should be ashamed of yourself."

Steve says "Tony—" in unison with Maria's "Stark—" but Steve's focus stays on Maria.

"I'm kidding! So I—" Tony pauses when he sees the intense look Steve gives Maria. His gaze moves to Maria then back to Steve. "You know what? I can come back—"

"No, stay; I was just leaving anyway." Steve nods at him, then gives Maria one final glance before he exits her office.

"Stark," she greets again and gestures to the chair opposite her.

"So…" He sits the same time she does. "What was that about?"

Her response comes sharply and a little too quickly for her liking. "Nothing. What do you want?"

Tony studies her a bit before he announces, "You're cranky."

"Your volume is not helping my migraine." She _is_ cranky.

He figures it has to do with Steve; he considers pushing but decides against it. "Do you need a raise? It's been quite a while since you've had one."

"God, I hope you're talking about money," she mutters while massaging her temples.

"My, my, Ms. Hill, you've got a dirty mind."

She rolls her eyes and regrets it. "Given that Pepper just gave me a raise two months ago, I had to ask." Before Tony could add salt to the wound, she cuts him off, " _Anyway_ , no, I don't need a raise. I appreciate that both you and Pepper seem to value the work I do here but really, I already make more than twice what I used to make."

"So? You can always make more." He shrugs and waves his hand dismissively, "You know, save up for your future."

She's reminded momentarily of her pregnancy scare. "What was it you wanted again?"

"Oh," Tony's face morphs into grave seriousness with a side of puppy dog eyes; something she thinks only he is capable of. "I need your help on something."

"What did you do now?" Droll, in her usual manner.

"Why would you assume I did something?" This earns him an unimpressed look and a raised brow in response. "Fair enough," he concedes. "It's about Pepper."

The look she gives him resembles pity when she says, "You do know that no matter the situation, I'll always take her side over yours, right?"

"Jeez, what a vote of confidence." Also droll; they match somehow when he's not getting on the last of her nerves.

She shrugs, "It's what I do; it's good for your ego."

"And it's for that reason that I'm coming to you about this." He pipes back up again and starts rambling. "That, and you're friends and you have ladies' nights and you _talk_ —"

"Stark," she says and taps her wrist watch.

"Fine." He then puts a small red velvet box with gold lining on her desk.

Maria fake-gasps then and with a high-pitched, obnoxious voice, she exclaims, "Jeez, Mr. Stark, shouldn't you ask me out on a date first before proposing?"

"Ha-ha. Alright, you've had your fun, Hill. Now what do you think?"

She opens the box and looks at the diamond ring. "I think…" She trails off and remembers some of the stories Pepper has shared about their courtship and relationship. "That for all the times you've gone overboard with your gifts, you finally found the right balance." She looks back up at him and he just stares at her with wide eyes, willing her to elaborate. It makes one of the corners of her lips curl up.

Despite all his bravado, Tony Stark needs the verbal confirmation to be sure not only about the ring but also about his decision to propose. He's already asked Rhodey's opinion on it but his buddy has been on board since day one so he wants to be extra sure.

Maria genuinely smiles at him this time, "It's perfect." The ring _and_ the decision.

\- - -

" _Stark, stop this." Maria shows him her tablet with the screen full of pop-ups from various dating websites._

_Tony smirks and crosses his arm in feigned innocence and obvious amusement. "Why, Hill, I could find you someone better than anyone on a dating website."_

" _Shut it down," she grabs his arm and wipes the smirk off of his face when she adds, "Or I'll break your arm."_

" _Uh, you and I both know you can't do that; it's in your contract."_

_Bruce, who was peacefully enjoying his tea, interjects, "It is?"_

_Maria lets go of his arm but steps forward and instead threatens, "Do it or I'll call Pepper; you and I both know I'm not above that."_

_At this, Tony's shoulders sag and he whines, "But you haven't even tried overriding the code!"_

" _I don't want to waste precious time undoing damage you caused as an idiot." She has her arms crossed now. "I only work on those you make as a genius and as Iron Man."_

" _But you'd spend_ precious time _arguing with me? Aww, Hill, I'm touched." His hand over his heart for emphasis._

_Her eyes narrow. "JARVIS, get Pepper on the phone."_

" _Right away, Ms. Hill."_

" _Traitor!" Tony calls out into the air*_

" _I'm sorry, Sir," the A.I.'s tone is apologetic even as the first ring can be heard._

_A stare down happens. On the second ring, Tony breaks. "Fine! Fine, you win." He proceeds to override the code then hands the tablet back to her._

" _There was never a competition to begin with," Maria smirks then walks away._

" _She got you on that one, Tony." Tony is confused especially at the amusement evident on Bruce's face. "She tricked you and you totally fell for it."_

" _What do you mean?"_

" _You didn't actually call Pepper, did you, JARVIS?"_

" _No, Dr. Banner. Ms. Potts is at a very important board meeting, not to be disturbed except for matters of life and death. Ms. Hill is aware of this and has already programmed me to make it seem like I was calling Ms. Potts."_

" _And she didn't tell you to keep this under wraps if I asked?"_

" _She told me, and I quote," JARVIS plays the audio of Maria saying, "'When he figures it out and asks, tell him. But show me his face the moment he realizes I've won from the very beginning.'"_

_Tony drops his arms, "Oh, that sneaky, manipulative—"_

" _Don't be a sore loser, Stark." Maria reappears from behind the doorway she disappeared into then leans her shoulder on it._

" _Oh, I'm not. But this only means one thing."_

" _Oh, boy," Bruce interjects yet again._

" _Let the games begin!" Tony announces with his hands raised, obviously enjoying every second of it. "And leave Pepper out of it this time."_

" _It's not my fault you're whipped, Stark," Maria then turns and leaves._

\- - -

Tony stares at her, blinking. "You're smiling." Maria's smile drops. "You actually smiled!" He stands up suddenly. "You just made it all cheesy." He takes the box from her hands. "God, Hill! I'm leaving before you go all heart eyes on me." She rolls her eyes, sighs, and shakes her head as he leaves but not before he stops by the doorway and sincerely, "Thanks, Maria."

She smirks and raises her eyebrow "Who's cheesy now?" It's his turn to roll his eyes but he couldn't stop the smile spreading on his face. "Idiot," Maria mutters.

He's in love. Maria wonders for what she considers a brief moment of weakness if she'll ever get to look at and feel for someone the way Tony does for Pepper. She shakes her head and ends up chuckling to herself when she realizes her migraine is gone.

She's about to start working when the door opens again. She looks up and sees Tony's head pop into her office. "By the way, your office smells like waffles. You know there's food here, right? You don't have to bring a lunchbox like a little kid. I mean, it's adorable but—"

" _Goodbye_ , Stark," She brushes him off and pretends to look busy when all she wanted to do was look for the source of the smell. When the door closes again, she waits — _1, 2, 3_ — then bolts up from her chair to follow the scent as her stomach growls. "Waffles, that's what it is." She finds a brown paper bag with a boxed meal of waffles, grapes, and cut-up melons on the chair she found Steve sitting on earlier. She pops a grape into her mouth and moans a little at the flavor. "Steve, you goddamn lifesaver."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not, nor will I ever, support the "Tony Stark is a villain" stand, btw (and if you want to talk about Civil War, let's just establish that none of the Avengers, Bucky included, are villains). He is so much more than his facade and he's been through so much, betrayal and PTSD being on that list. If you don't like him, either give him a chance or just leave him alone, please. Thank you.
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter.


End file.
